A friend once said, “It’s not just the heartache. It’s an ultimate insult. It’s the turn-around that is unacceptable. You know, one day you have someone in the palm of your hand, and the next, they are invincible. There they are, like a challenge. So much out of reach, and so sure about their paths being separate from ours that our reluctance to accept the shifting paradigms brings us down to our knees.”
There are kinds of love that can break a person’s spine. The kinds of love that turn us all into begging blabbering leeches. You stick to that person until you can stick to them no more. You refuse to leave. And one day, there’s this ‘slap’ that comes out of nowhere. They pry you off themselves in a way that you don’t know what hit you. There you realize that this needs to end. Its vicious, what you’re going through but you can’t go through more than that. It has to end because if it doesn’t you’d turn to dust.
After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises. After a while you learn that you can’t destroy yourself beyond a certain point, that you need to water your garden yourself in the long periods of drought, that no one, no one you need, will come and rescue you.
It won’t stop. It won’t change. It won’t be the same anymore. Suddenly she is so tired and so done. It takes every ounce of strength to carry herself as if she does not live in hell.